17 Years Gone

My oldest son passed away on January 21, 2001. At times it’s difficult for me to wrap my mind around the thought that it has been 17 years. Somedays it feels as it was yesterday and at other times another life.

No matter when the person you love passes away, one thing is true the pain never goes away completely. It becomes a different pain and you learn to live with it.

In the beginning feeling lost, guilty and confused every moment of the day consumed me. I fought those feelings for the first six months after his death. But then I met a woman that could relate. She too lost a child. I wasn’t going crazy. My feelings were normal. It was grief.

What was Caleb like? He was shy, blonde hair and had his Dads bright blue eyes. He loved his family and friends but most of all his church. Playing the Boom,Booms (the drums.) He was brave. He had a strength that I use to tell myself, if Caleb could go through what he went through and never complain, then I can too.

Chemotherapy treatment at the hospital.

Everyone grieves differently there is no right or wrong way. There have been stages of grief I went through and thought I had conquered only to realize a year later I am back at that point. I learned to embrace my grief and not shy about my emotions.

Do you believe in Angels?

Last week a family member had a dream about Caleb and x-husbands brother, Matt Blount. Matt was tragically killed in a car accident a year and a half after Caleb passed away. At the age of 21.

Back to the dream……….

In the dream Caleb and Matt were together fighting for my family. So whether you believe in Angels or even if something like this could be true. It doesn’t matter it warmed my soul. It gave me hope. To be honest, my family has been to hell and back. But I know God is fighting.

In one of my earlier post I talked about how I went to the cemetery and I talked to Caleb at the gravesite. I knew he wasn’t there physically but it didn’t matter to me. He will always be in my heart.

So today I have a hope I will see my son again someday!

NIV I Thessalonians 4:17-18

17 After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. 18 Therefore encourage one another with these words.

Do you have someone you want to see again? This verse has given me so much hope!

Sincerely,

Tracy